Let’s throw out relationship status, the gendered (non)binary, and sexual orientation for a moment. What I find many people have a misconception about is who the sex is for. This could be in a long term committed relationship, a one night stand, or a casual intimate scenario. Whatever the relationship structure, sometimes, one of the individuals partakes in sex because they feel they need to give it to the other person.
Where does this come from?
Usually this misconception comes from gendered and social constructs we are fed, that the sex is for the ‘man’ or more dominant partner. That the ones who need sex (and need a lot of it), their partner is obliged to give it to them. Sometimes people will sit in the dutiful space, and will see sex as a chore. Contrarily, they might be more than happy to also partake in sex and be willing to jump into the intimate arena for their partner.
How could this be a problem?
It throws the pleasure for the person who thinks they have to give the sex out the window. It’s subconsciously saying there is possibly nothing in the sex for them. That their pleasure doesn’t matter. If their pleasure doesn’t matter, shall we guess if they will enjoy it or not?
Does this resonate?
First, ask yourself if you are having sex purely because you think (or know) your partner needs it. If the answer is yes, now is a great time to start thinking about how to flip the script.
To do:
Start thinking about what you actually like, and if your sex repertoire needs a refresh. If you are really not interested in sex, but are interested in touch or other types of pleasure, this is a good place to start discussing it with your parter.
Low libido, pain, pressure, the mental load, relationship dynamics, stress can all play a part on contributing this to as well. Book in for a session if this sounds like a scenario you are in and would like to change!
