One of the sexiest qualities you can possess is the ability to ask for what you want in the bedroom. A large majority of humans enjoy and derive pleasure from giving pleasure to their partner. Pleasure is the measure they say. Assisting someone else find ecstasy is not only validating, but also deeply connecting and can often facilitate arousal to the person delivering the pleasure.
When you ask for you what you want, you are giving your lover more than clues. You are giving them a map to your pleasure and your arousal without the guesswork. Many clients I see wish their partner would tell them what they like or are liking in the moment, because they really want to make their partner happy.
Rule #1 not everyone is a mind reader. Being an intuitive lover is an advanced skill.
It’s ok and pretty common to find this topic uncomfortable. In my clinical experience, I would guesstimate more than 60% of clients struggle for asking for what they want. Guilt and shame are common culprits. Not to mention fear of being rejected.
Rule #2 your partner does not have to agree to giving you what you want. You don’t know until you seek consent and ask.
Your body, mood, arousal, capacity, sexual partner, inner world, and outer world will all influence the sexual experience. No two experiences are ever identical. Sometimes you and your partner might want different things depending on the circumstances, so please see rule #1. Communication is sexy, talking about sex before, during, and after are key.
Seeing someone own their sexuality, and have confidence is the bedroom is usually a turn on for many people. It takes the pressure away and also can help ease the nerves of the other. Think back to past experiences, did you find quiet confidence a turn on? Did it help the sexual encounter for you? There is no harm trying to embody this, and start asking for what you want gently. Sometimes even asking for what you want when not in a sexual moment can help muster the courage to do it behind closed doors.